(you’ll remember me like a melody-)

September 11th, 2005 · 8 comments

last night, i dreamt that a hurricane was coming. there was a man and there was water, and at some point i realized that i was having a dream i’ve had before and then a loud noise is waking me and my eyes are opening and i am gazing out of an open window into a 2am sky at a passenger airliner flying fast & low. heading to LAX.

lights blinking.

(i am thinking about airports. airport emotions. a friend’s brave & recent trip to the land of philadelphia.)
 
the day before, in a tearful phone call with my mother, i am sitting on the bathroom floor trying to re-learn the trick of speaking softly. when there are whole other worlds of emotions pushing behind the things you want to say.

are you  terribly unhappy?  voices low. hands pressed to mouth.

.
.

(it is. of course. much softer than this.
hearts behind teeth. you two, making me laugh.)

&
 
Mood: oh, honey.
Musique: fiona apple; tidal.

{ 8 Responses to (you’ll remember me like a melody-) }

  • obsidienne says:

    I remember my first three days in NYC… it was so hot, and smelly, and the *people*! & the bright sun. I couldn’t focus on anything. I felt small, and overwhelmed. Two weeks later I didn’t want to leave the mad amount of input; I craved it like a drug.

    I used to have a recurring dream about a volcano. Running from it. All of my recurring dreams are nightmares.

  • ilwarden says:

    Airport emotions…yes, they do deserve their own specific category, don’t they? These junctures where separate worlds intersect…where worlds that have come together, part.
    Microcosms of emotional life and death lived in mere minutes. Exhilerating highs, and devastating lows.

    You do me much honour, dearone. But now is the time when i need to be the bravest. Now is the beginning of the dark-days, the beginning of the battle against time and distance.

    I wish i’d been able to contact you prior to your departure. Sadly, critical matters here prevented me. (And i almost suspected that they might do so.)

    But i have faith. You’re living my dream. You’re yet another example of a dear friend who has claimed what they wanted, despite the odds. Once again, i find myself hoping i too, will be as lucky.

    Pray for me, or wish on a star – as i do for you.

    • Ta says:

      the distance is so so hard; i remember that above all things. but it was always a happy ending for me. (in terms of the time. in terms of the distance. [& regardless of the ultimate outcome, which had not a thing to do with either.] that, at least – the getting through it, until some kind of reunion – was nothing. compared to a lifetime.)

      &we can say now, at least. that you & i have been to the same airport. (although i was moving there, & not just visiting; but if it happened for me!)

      ;)

      you have been through much worse. &come out stronger for it. & i believe in this, for you! everything will be spectacular. in time.

      ♥.

      • ilwarden says:

        That’s comforting…knowing i walked through a space that you have been. It’s like maybe…i can pick up some trace of you, and your luck, and carry it with me. 8)

        And you’re right – i have, and do. (But that doesn’t make the journey any easier, in the meantime. ;) )

        But gods, thank you. I’m keeping this comment in my inbox indefinitely, so i can look at it everyday. Thank you, precious girl.

  • mostly says:

    you make me feel famous!!!!!

    xoxo.

  • subtexts says:

    i am sitting on the bathroom floor trying to re-learn the trick of speaking softly. when there are whole other worlds of emotions. pushing behind the things you want to say.

    yes

  • northsea says:

    doll-like on the bathroom floor. i’m emailing you. (in the meantime: FIERCE FIERCE LOVE.)

  • heaving says:

    love, i’ve missed you … how did i ever let you go?

    this tragedy in america has broken my heart. precious new orleans! i never even had the chance to be cradled in her bohemian decadence!

    xo

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