&empty stairwells;

January 19th, 2005 · 13 comments

a few nights after a friend of mine accidentally shot himself in the head during my junior year in high school, i had a dream in which i was standing in one of the classrooms of our school, and he walked in. i remember that he held his hands up to me, and i remember thinking, “oh god, it was a joke. it was just a joke.”

in my dreams, death is impermanent. a thing which we escape from.

{ 13 Responses to &empty stairwells; }

  • um_coeur says:

    Oh, Darling … <3

    I am still three years old when it comes to death. I have dreams about my grandmother, who died in late March, eating supper at big family gatherings, sitting next to me or next to my boyfriend. I always tug on his sleeve and tell him, “Remember this – she’s dead, and yet she’s here. Remember this in the morning for me, please – we’ll talk about it then. I don’t want to tell her she’s dead.” It just seems so. With everyone. It’s just so … it can’t be real, you know? Death and things.


  • My god thats terrible :(

    Not too long after my grandfather died, I had a dream like that. And recently I had one…when I woke up, it was very obvious that I’ve been crying in my sleep.

    Dreams are so so weird.

    • Ta says:

      when I woke up, it was very obvious that I’ve been crying in my sleep.

      it was similar with this one; i’d been crying, and i couldn’t breathe, and i remember i woke up holding my breath.

      they stay with you for a long time, those dreams.

  • Death is a reoccuring circumstance in my dreams, unfortunately. There is so much blood and violence and guilt and screaming. I’m surprised I don’t wake up with fevers.

    Your wonderful brain, though, seems to recognize the power of reincarnation. Rebirth. Beauty in all its hiding places.

    Did your hands touch his in the dream?

    • Ta says:

      Death is a reoccuring circumstance in my dreams, unfortunately.

      In mine as well.

      Did your hands touch his in the dream?

      No; there were other people in the room with us, all quietly focused on his death somehow (crying, discussing, a subdued kind of hysteria), and when he walked in, we were on separate sides of the room, but we saw only each other. We just kind of. locked in.

      He was calm in the middle of it all. Calm.

  • louder says:

    it is said that after someone dies, it is only when you dream of them that you have accepted their death.

  • necrodoll says:

    This fascinates me…

    I’ve heard tell that when you see the dead in your dreams that it’s their way of visiting or saying Goodbye.

    I choose to believe this. The dreams I’ve had of the deceased often seem more realistic than life.

  • I know this comment is not on par with the subject of your entry, but I thought you would appreciate it, nonetheless.

    She is also the maintainer and creator of

  • How I wish real life were like that. I would do anything to escape from death. I am terrified of death. Terrified. I’m sure that my mother’s death contributed to this problem greatly, and I also fear for my own life constantly. I’m a hypochondriac too– bad combination.

  • subtexts says:

    i think we tend to overlook the fact that death is very near us, and it’s not necessarily a bad thing. it can be very peaceful and warm, something which tells us not to be afraid. but to cherish what time we have, in the now, to be present in each and every moment.

  • You’ve been quiet lately, dear one, and I have been thinking about you.
    Mostly after midnight, when my hands are stained with paint and my eyelids are fevered with eager dreams.

    I hope you are doing well.

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