&empty stairwells;

January 19th, 2005 · 13 comments

a few nights after a friend of mine accidentally shot himself in the head during my junior year in high school, i had a dream in which i was standing in one of the classrooms of our school, and he walked in. i remember that he held his hands up to me, and i remember thinking, “oh god, it was a joke. it was just a joke.”

in my dreams, death is impermanent. a thing which we escape from.

{ 13 Responses to &empty stairwells; }

  • um_coeur says:

    Oh, Darling … <3

    I am still three years old when it comes to death. I have dreams about my grandmother, who died in late March, eating supper at big family gatherings, sitting next to me or next to my boyfriend. I always tug on his sleeve and tell him, “Remember this – she’s dead, and yet she’s here. Remember this in the morning for me, please – we’ll talk about it then. I don’t want to tell her she’s dead.” It just seems so. With everyone. It’s just so … it can’t be real, you know? Death and things.


  • My god thats terrible :(

    Not too long after my grandfather died, I had a dream like that. And recently I had one…when I woke up, it was very obvious that I’ve been crying in my sleep.

    Dreams are so so weird.

    • Ta says:

      when I woke up, it was very obvious that I’ve been crying in my sleep.

      it was similar with this one; i’d been crying, and i couldn’t breathe, and i remember i woke up holding my breath.

      they stay with you for a long time, those dreams.

  • Death is a reoccuring circumstance in my dreams, unfortunately. There is so much blood and violence and guilt and screaming. I’m surprised I don’t wake up with fevers.

    Your wonderful brain, though, seems to recognize the power of reincarnation. Rebirth. Beauty in all its hiding places.

    Did your hands touch his in the dream?

    • Ta says:

      Death is a reoccuring circumstance in my dreams, unfortunately.

      In mine as well.

      Did your hands touch his in the dream?

      No; there were other people in the room with us, all quietly focused on his death somehow (crying, discussing, a subdued kind of hysteria), and when he walked in, we were on separate sides of the room, but we saw only each other. We just kind of. locked in.

      He was calm in the middle of it all. Calm.

  • louder says:

    it is said that after someone dies, it is only when you dream of them that you have accepted their death.

  • necrodoll says:

    This fascinates me…

    I’ve heard tell that when you see the dead in your dreams that it’s their way of visiting or saying Goodbye.

    I choose to believe this. The dreams I’ve had of the deceased often seem more realistic than life.

  • I know this comment is not on par with the subject of your entry, but I thought you would appreciate it, nonetheless.

    She is also the maintainer and creator of

  • How I wish real life were like that. I would do anything to escape from death. I am terrified of death. Terrified. I’m sure that my mother’s death contributed to this problem greatly, and I also fear for my own life constantly. I’m a hypochondriac too– bad combination.

  • subtexts says:

    i think we tend to overlook the fact that death is very near us, and it’s not necessarily a bad thing. it can be very peaceful and warm, something which tells us not to be afraid. but to cherish what time we have, in the now, to be present in each and every moment.

  • You’ve been quiet lately, dear one, and I have been thinking about you.
    Mostly after midnight, when my hands are stained with paint and my eyelids are fevered with eager dreams.

    I hope you are doing well.

Leave a Reply

What's this?

You are currently reading &empty stairwells; at UNDREAMING(.NET)


  • . Subscribe to Blog .

    Subscribe to posts via RSS, or enter your email address below to receive notifications of new posts by email.

  • . Instagram .

    • Readying the hostas for Spring and finding that one ishellip
      11 months ago by undreaming Readying the hostas for Spring and finding that one is softly carpeted, and jeweled with a tiny abandoned home. {The other - poor confused darling - has already begun to come up, and I worry for her in the cold . . . } This will be the last Spring I tend these forgiving bebes, the only plants that have grown wild for me and blossomed every year in my awkward, uncertain care. I have had to let go of too many things I love this year, leaving pieces of home&heart everywhere, everywhere. Every woman in me is half sick…
    • the teeniest tiniest naughties  littlekinks miniatures sextoys dollhousesex
      4 months ago by undreaming {the teeniest, tiniest naughties.} ♡  #littlekinks   #miniatures   #sextoys   #dollhousesex 
    • Cleansing  charging by the full milk moon
      9 months ago by undreaming Cleansing & charging by the full milk moon.
    • The energy that flows from the heart IS immortal Ithellip
      6 months ago by undreaming 'The energy that flows from the heart IS immortal. It is light and sound and vibration. We must birth the selves we wish to be and the world in which we wish to live. This planet does not belong to us, but we are meant to be its stewards.' {Many Moons Vol 2, by Modern Women / Sarah Faith Gottesdiener} *  #moonmagick   #heartmagick   #earthmagick   #lovewitch   #modernwomen   #sarahfaithgottesdiener   #august   #themoon   #themoon   #themoon   #themoon 
    • OsTAra evendarklingswearflowers
      11 months ago by undreaming OsTAra  #evendarklingswearflowers 
    • Polite quiet gentleman never complains when I throw my ladythingshellip
      1 week ago by undreaming Polite, quiet gentleman, never complains when I throw my ladythings on him.  #boudoir   #skull   #macabre   #lingerie   #xoxo 
    • the trees are tender with Spring and I am tenderhellip
      10 months ago by undreaming (the trees are tender with Spring, and I am tender with Spring.)
    • 10 months ago by undreaming
    • You are quarter ghost on your mothers side Your hearthellip
      10 months ago by undreaming "You are quarter ghost on your mother’s side. Your heart is a flayed peach in a bone box." { – Jamaal May, “How to Disappear Completely” }
    • i made a new friend today mysticalcat punkypins littleblackcatsociety
      11 months ago by undreaming (i made a new friend today.)  #mysticalcat   #punkypins   #littleblackcatsociety 
    • Two of the darlingest soaps from my latest witchbabysoap haulhellip
      11 months ago by undreaming Two of the darlingest soaps from my latest  @witchbabysoap  haul; The Empress (of course  #daughterofvenus ) and Ouija. Not shown: Dragon's Blood soap (the deepest shimmery jeweled red), Love soap ( #lovewitch ), Seance soap {for my }, and Wheel of Fortune body butter, the crown jewel of my collection thus far; ginger, lime, tea, and the gorgeous hues of yellow & blue; the sweetest Springtime magick. "Get Naked. Do Witchcraft."
  • . Twitter .

    • RT @tristanreveur: Beauty tips: Embrace darkness, never love anything, moisturize, drink lots of water. 2 days ago retweeted via tristanreveur
    • (i really don't care anymore if you think i'm sexy. what i want to know is, can you be a Home for me.) 2 days ago
    • RT @spookperson: me and some of the other witches are going to go do sexy things on cotton mather's grave until his shitty old ghost comes… 4 days ago retweeted via spookperson