July 27th, 2003 · 13 comments

“-the strange new places towards which we sometimes find ourselves heading.”

every time i step outside i begin to fold. i think that i was displaced somewhere between now and the soft, almost desperate apologies to a girl standing at a counter in a place in which i find myself; i’m fumbling with change here, fumbling with fingers and hair and the seconds tick out into eons and into vast empty places and this furious blush.

i am so uncomfortable in this body. i am so uncomfortable being this woman. small and burning and secretive. (witches in my dreams.)

when you look at me, the way you look at me like that, i become unhinged, a wide, feverish mess of girl. you make me so nervous with your eyes and your hands and the way you are everything that i’m really not.

i’m looking for a place where this all falls away.

my heart is peeking out past my teeth tonight.


sometimes i have to remind myself; “i find myself wanting to live more intensely in each moment. i don’t want that to disappear.”

&there is so much more. still. like.

  • going away, and
  • little boys with small, sweet hands.
  • and this tattered hair of mine
  • which looks like fire
  • in the sun.

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